hope you all had a merry christmas, happy hanukkah, or splendid festivus.

ryan will be spending new years in the southern hemisphere; in the falkland islands according to his itinerary. i'll be sure to link if he gets a satellite connection to update his blog.

the pope sends SMS.

the art of luck

martha reminds me about last year in edinburgh, about being abroad, and all that comes with it.

those latvians can drink. (this one's for you elan)

"The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no, I’ve said too much
I set it up" -REM

if you're looking for housing in manhattan, i can hook you up with a real estate agent at citi-habitats

bonnie scotia. a small glimpse into the graduation revelry.

so it was perfect snowman making weather yesterday. and what better way to spend a sunday afternoon?

crystal and her frosty buddha 'jean-pierre'

me and my...eh...snowthing

let it snow. i woke up today to the sound of a shovel outside. when i looked out my window, the weatherman was right, it was going to snow. and it still is. it's been quite a while since i've seen a snow storm. i think i'll enjoy staying in today and watching it fall.

the day ryan found permalinks.

back at home. 21 hrs of uptime. work tomorrow. too much internal conflict here to capture. bed. sleep.

more goodbyes. it's 5:30am local time. i'm waiting for my flight. i'm tired and would rather stay.

in section title 'misc', my mobile phone worked in the UK but i dared not find out what the rates were. time to fly away...�

more goodbyes. it's 5:30am local time. i'm waiting for my flight. i'm tired and would rather stay.

in section title 'misc', my mobile phone worked in the UK but i dared not find out what the rates were. time to fly away...

less than 24 hrs left in edinburgh. time to recover. the last night out with most of the folks around, ended at the wee red bar.

28 hrs awake with 2 fitfull hrs sleep on a plane. not to mention a long night ahead of me...

something to keep you busy while i'm flying to edinburgh.

If I were to wish for anything, I should not wish for wealth and power, but for the passionate sense of the potential, for the eye which, ever young and ardent, sees the possible. Pleasure disappoints, possibility never.
- Soren Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

holidays. spent a wonderfully relaxing thanksgiving weekend at my sister's in virginia. i flew with my parents down on thanksgiving morning, and to our surprise, there was no delay and really no extraordinary crowds. mum and dad got to spend more time with their grandson. the little guy seemed a little wary of the bearded men (my dad and me), but got used to it after a day.

tomorrow i leave for edinburgh. it will probably be a hectic week trying to get around to see everyone. claire has already been nice enough to arrange a dinner. nikki and crew will be celebrating her birthday and graduation. and there has been mention of a whisky society event.

then christmas will be here before i know it. seems like i'll have hardly been to work this month.

currently listening to duke ellington's satin doll on vinyl.

i'd like to hear more about this man.
i'm glad i was not on this bus.

i am now a man with a mission.

saturday i sat in a park and read for a couple hours. memories of last year. it was about 60, sunny, and folks were out walking their dogs. today, it's snowing.

mmmm, dinner at the 'rents house. afterwards we talked to my sister on my mobile speaker phone which worked surprisingly well. cheers to nokia.

microsoft employee gets canned after posting a picture.

you missed a great weekend. well, not all of you perhaps. this week's whirlwind sojourn to philly was great fun. friday i helped dave out getting dinner ready for that night after brunch with mum, that night i went out to dinner with emily and megan, and saturday was all prep and party to celebrate dave and shelly's engagement. they had friends in from boston, pittsburgh, baltimore, and more. the only real negative was that i forgot my camera, so no pictures to show.

short photo journal of a south korean visiting the north. worth a quick browse

drink dark beer. (courtesy my brother-in-law jeff)

i'm going back to edinburgh. graduation is the first week of december, and altho i already told the university that i won't be at the ceremony, several other folks will be back that week. it's something to look forward to, i can't wait.

crystal's goin shoe shopping.

a long and busy weekend. sunday i went to a 2.5 hour baptist service for work. then spent 6 hours at a club that my nonprofit was a sponsor for. all that the night at the symphony. today i was able to leave by 2:30 and met a friend for tea.

i heard a lot of bad news the past few days. but if nothing else, it is a reminder of how good i've got it.

going to the symphony tonight. one of the perks of my job is that i can get free tickets to cultural things like this through Pitt ARTS.

help out a friend of a friend, take a short survey.

ryan has me listed in his address book as 'white chocolate'. this has been a running joke of a nickname due to the fact there are multiple jason williamses in the nba.

art vs work. i'm starting to write again. my life seems to be settling to where the waters of thought can run a little clearer. the world is releaving its poetics to me. it just feels as if this time has been wasted, but hopefully it's much need preparation.

the other night i went to the studio/foundry with my roommate to help her with her sculpture. i learned a lot about the process of making a sculpture which was cool. eventually i should have a picture to show of what i helped with. but i'll leave that to be a surprise.

head hunters and recruiters keep calling and emailing. i'm not sure how hard to pursue. options always seem good, even if you don't take them, even if they force you to make decisions. and on top of all of that, i got an offer to move to NYC to live the lifestyle i did last year (in some respects, altho i'd have to find a way to support myself financially). tempting, tempting.

bottom line is i want passionate people around me. and as my friend moving to new york said, "people who read books and think outside the mass consumer/television culture. People who question the system and are worried more about real issues instead constantly talking about which new chain restaurant opened where. " people that do what they want, not what they're told they want.

zoze crazy jairmens von agane!

good news. i forgot to mention this early, but the work i submitted for my masters in creative writing has passed the external examination according to my advisor. that means i'm getting my diploma in dec. speaking of that dec graduation, i think i might head back to bonnie scotland to visit a few folks. i need to get myself organized a bit and get a flight.

'nother reading last night. this one was two short stories in the spirit of halloween--Edgar Allen Poe - The Cask of Amontillado and H.P. Lovecraft - In the Vault. the event was an american shorts reading series event. both readers were really quit good, and the venue, the mellon mansion at chatham college provided the perfect ambiance for the halloween motif.

as for halloween tonight, i don't really have any plans. none of my friends seem to return my calls. most likely i'll just spend the night catching up on some reading unless something else comes up later.

international communities. tonight i went to a poetry reading that was entirely in spanish. casey let me tag along to her friend's poetry reading. since i don't speak spanish, i went specifically to listen to the sounds and rhythms of poetry in another language. afterwards i went out with a few of the folks there for a drink and a bite. it was nice to have an international group to hang out with, even if was only for a night. the us, columbia, el salvador, and mexico were all represented. it felt good to be out meeting folks. especially interesting peeps with diverse backgrounds.

something else for philadelphia to be proud of: two of the most dangerous intersections in the nation.

this weekend i read. it was nice to feel like i was reading the quantity i was last year. i finally finished Atonement. two thirds of the way through, i was starting to have my doubts about it. but like most of the books i enjoy, that last third came through. next it's Catch-22, a staple that i never got around to reading.

i have to say that the latest strongbad emails have returned to their old form after a stint of not-so-funny emails.

here's a little preview of our pumpkins from the other night...

left to right--mine, casey's, crystal's.

last night casey, crystal and i carved pumpkins. there will be pictures to follow. maybe. not having broadband upload from home might cause significant delays. all the pumpkin-now-jack-o-lanterns are brilliant displays of the halloween spirit. in conjunction with that spirit, the weather seems to be turning colder. the radio said that the high would be in the mid 40s today.

its official, i didn't get the job in la. ryan said the new guy started today. he also said he wasn't impressed. after all that time it sounds like they still made the wrong decision.

last night i spent 3 hours on the phone. i haven't done that for years. but i needed to catch up with some peeps, and i had my new phone to try out. dave asked me to be in his wedding, that'll be my fifth. caught up with my sister and jen some as i hadn't talked to either of them in a while.

tomorrow night is pumpkin carving night. stop by with a pumpkin if you want to join in the fun. i have high expectations for crystal since she just graduated from art school.

my new phone

reconnected. and in case you didn't notice, dialup has been established.

two weekends, two weddings, too tired. yesterday i went to a friend's sister's wedding. she was the maid of honor, which meant we didn't get to talk or hang out as much as we would have liked, but that's just how it is when your in the wedding. it was the same way when i was in my sister's wedding. all the other wedding party dates were at the same table, so we all were in the same boat. i'm looking forward to having a weekend to spend entirely at home tho.

crystal was home from her fashion show when i got back. she said it went really well. good thing after all the work she put into it. i'm wanna see a tape or at least some pictures of it.

i think we're carving pumpkins tonight.

can't get dialup to work from the apartment yet. but at least i now have an apartment, phone line, heat and electric all functioning.

yesterday i found out that it is probably faster to walk home than to take the bus. i took the bus for two reasons: to try to minimize the amount of time in the rain, and to see how long it would take. next purchases will be a bicycle and a mobile phone.

disconnected. email and blog posts will be significantly decreased as i have no phone, let alone dsl in my new apartment.

the wedding weekend in philly went well. i got to see a lot of the family that i haven't seen in probably close to two years. even tho i stayed with megan, we only saw each other for about 3 or 4 hours total. she had to work, or i was out partying. emily was a good sport at the wedding. the in-laws were able to empathize with the introduction by fire to the murray clan.

yesterday i finished moving into my new apartment. its taking shape, crystal still has a lot more work to do than i do. we need to get the heat on and i need to get a phone...soon.

bright spots. PittArts holds free lunch lectures about once a week. not only do i get lunch, but also get to listen in to some something that is not related to what i deal with all day. and i definitely need more outside intellectual stimulation right now.

today's speaker was jeremy boyle. he is an artist that does installations 'bridging the boundary between visual art and the recording studio'. although i wasn't totally blow away, it was still interesting enough to make me want to visit the mattress factory.

after a long silence, elan had a few short things to say.
ryan keeps on rambling...literally.

ma & pa helped me get more stuff moved into my apartment last night. first stop was ikea for the bed, then to the apartment. i think my futon is way cool. and the 'hood @ night seemed good too. tonight i'm headed to philly for a wedding on friday night. but i plan to start living at my new place when i get back.

uninspired. have i mentioned that i haven't written a word since i've been back? this is not desirable in the least. but i did sign my lease, which means i now have an apartment that i am paying for but don't have time to move into.

blogging statistics i just read this short article on blog usage. i was actually surprised to find out that there are more females that blog than males. it also seem ironic since i just took a blogging survey for blogger.com.

congratulations to justin. he and jennifer have a new member to the family. i'll probably meet jeffrey michael before caleb michael.

for all you coffee drinkers out there. but really, can there be a fair trial in the italian capital of coffee?

12.5 hour days at a nonprofit, getting paid what i'm getting paid, is not worth it. esp when i spend half of it doing similar work to what i was doing in high school. today i am not happy. so i am going to bed.

friday night marcie and logi stopped here in pittsburgh on their way from ny to colorado. it was nice to see them, even if they only stayed for about 12 hrs. i'll post a pick when i get a chance.

i looked at apartments this weekend. i found one i want, i just need to get my roommate to want this one too. shouldnt be too hard, it's in our price range and is in a decent neighborhood with adaquate parking.

morning commute. fog laden city early morning eye headlight floating by halo beams shining. damp chill pulsing breath marks coffee scented wafts street spinning tires yellow bus flahing light trails red of dotted brakes.

we've created a 'book club' at work. today i borrowed casey's, my team member's, carnegie library card to get out the book for this fortnight. the smell of old books is such a comforting smell, and as i walked through the stacks of printed words, i had both a feeling overcome me that was somewhere between nostalgia and a fondness for the simplicity, wonder, and thought that can come from a good novel. there is something about the lineage of literature.

last night i saw a northern chorus in pittsburgh at the rex theater in the south side. all four bands were all pretty good, but i liked a northern chorus the best. all you who didn't show up missed a good show. it was cool to catch up with sam too. might meet up with those guys again to see broken social scene, another canadian indie band that is on tour.

and in other news i started looking for an apartment in pittsburgh. rents seem so cheap compared to what i am used to paying. i have a roommate, too, so we're looking for 2 bedroom places. she was an art student at CMU and is the type of creative person i want to be around. plus it should be a way into the artistic community in pgh, something i'll need if i'm around all year.

a few blog corrections.
sam's band is still touring, but they just had to take down the website for legal reasons. the rex theater in pgh tomorrow night. be there all you pgh peeps.

and please note that ryan instills fear in small children and feels and gives no love towards me. and he's single, go figure.

it looks as if the band sam was touring with decided to cut it short. i went to double check the time and venue, and it has been changed.

it's amazing how little time i am finding to read and write. i really havent written anything since i've been back. at least i have read about a quarter of a novel in the past week (about 10Xs slower than what i was at).

but i have spent lots of time with my mum. she is taking me to work in the mornings and picks me up after, each way between 45 to 75 mins. plus i've helped or made dinner the past couple nights. however, there is something significant lacking in this lifestyle. which reminds me, i need to go make my lunch for tomorrow.

people make you feel loved when you get back from being abroad for a year. thanks for the phone calls and emails megan, ryan, elan, haleema, emily, dave, mom, dad, heather...and those are just the ones off the top of my head.

after having lived in the UK for a year, i have the tendency to want to add extra U's to words.

culture shock. welcome back--no usable public transit, no fresh bakeries, nothing but chain restaurants and prepackaged food. no silence, no resting, no sense of enjoying life now, enjoying the present.

i know what i want. but its not going to be easy to get there.

[ignore this post if you did not know why i would be in LA]
got back from LA tonight. still haven't heard what i want to hear, and i don't like being put into the situation that they're going to end up leaving me in. i should get a final answer by next week. if not, i'll give them mine.

on the personal side of things, it was cool to see ryan for a few hours. he bought me dinner at a great sushi place--boy do i miss good sushi. then we just chilled at his place until i passed out from exhaustion.

speaking of passing out, goodnight.

updated pictures.
check out more highland pictures and a few more from edinburgh.

please let me know if you find any missing pictures or broken links. this is another minor redesign (you can now link directly to a picture and they have thumbnails).

back in pittsburgh. flights went well. on time and all. my luggage fared less well. one MIA, another DOA--the suitcase zipper broken...luckily not to the point where anything fell out. then i had it all taped shut in detroit customs. well, i'm approaching 24 hrs of awakeness. goodnight.

goodbye edinburgh. i will miss you.

having had several outings with people to say goodbye over the past few days, today i packed and then said my goodbye to edinburgh. we spent most of the day alone, enjoying one of those beautiful sunny days when it's warm when the sun is out and quite cool when it hides behind a cloud. i am sad to go, but take with me so many great memories and new friendships; much anticipation lies for what is just around the corner.

done. printed and bound. after more runaround this morning, including walking all the way to kings buildings, the final work is complete. i had an extra copy printed to lend to those that actually are interested in reading it. let me know and i'll put you on the waiting list.

last night was the last big night out. and it was everything that i could have hoped for. it started with the creative writing course last get together. then i walk over to new town with steve to wish ian a happy birthday. finally heading back to, where else, Medina, to meet back up with some of the tried and true creative writers as well as niki and the irish girls. niki elaine and i called it a night/morning after unsuccessfully looking for breakfast at 7:30 this morning. seems somewhat appropriate that i saw one more sunrise in edinburgh before i leave.

went to the scotland vs ireland rugby game today w/ erin and steve. it was my frist rugby game. i don't know all the rules, but it was pretty fun to watch. you have to respect guys that are willing to run full speed at each other and try to tackle. ireland won 29-10.

tonight is the last get together with the creative writing class. one last pint with the aspiring authors.

this week's photos are good.

murphy's law. i get up early, shower, and head to the lab to print out my portfolio and take it to the copier to have it printed and bound. of course, it couldn't be that simple. first i had to add money to my printing account, and the change machine was off, there goes about a half hour just trying to find the person in the library to get me change from the machine. then i forget to turn off double sided printing. then when i take it to the printer, he says that when it's reduced and bound that the left margin will not be big enough. ok, back to the computer lab, reformat, reprint (after adding more money to my account), go back to the printer. sorry, the machine just broke, come back in a few hours or maybe monday. i'll let you know when i have the final copies in my hands.

last night was steve's birthday celebration. some of us went to 'outsider' for dinner. my roasted duck breast has to rank as one of the best meals out i've had in the last year. after that, we went to 'the doctors' for a couple pints; when that closed we went to medina; when that closed we came back here. a good time was had by all.

i seem to have pulled or strained a muscle in my back which is annoying and distracting. never-the-less, i almost have a complete draft, laid out and ready for printing, with title page and all. hopefully everything will be done by the end of the week, and i can take to it printing monday and have a couple days in case something goes wrong before i leave.

my email inbox levels are finally back to normal (~70 outstanding messages), down from the 130 or so that were there when i got back from my trip.

quick plug for the canadian indie band my (ex)flatmate from edinburgh is touring with this month. don't miss sam 'singing like a girl'.

I rejoice that there are owls. Let them do the idiotic and maniacal hooting for men…. They represent the stark twilight and unsatisfied thoughts which all have. --Henry David Thoreau

last night were the end of festival fireworks at the castle. they were exceptional, probably the best display i've ever seen. there were some new types that i had never seen, which is always nice. and there were stationary burning flares that lit the castle in different colors at some points. the most striking was a 'waterfall' of bright white sparks that cascaded down one of the walls/cliff-faces. it was a 45 minute show set to music played by an orchestra. and it was cool to see the entire mound and princes street shut down and packed with people. i suppose that means that the festival is officially over, hopefully things will be quieter now.

oh yeah, i got hit with the MSBlast virus. rather annoying that you can now get a virus simply by having your computer on. i have antivirus software, am behind a firewall, and never download email or email attachments unless first scanned. the problem is that microsoft sucks. my next computer will run linux.

when norton updated its definitions, it caught the virus, and then i spent and hour or so getting rid of it. so, all good now.

my friends are cool. its funny how even friends that you may not be really close with suddenly come through for you at just the right time. i'm on the brink of another life transition. i'm not even sure what it will be or where it will take me, but the anticipation, fear, anxiety, excitement, and thrill of new possibilies are building on a daily basis.

just a little teaser of my germany pictures. here is me in berlin. and here is me in Ulm.

back from germany. it was an exhausting trip. even when led around by natives, trying to see 5 cities in 10 days is too much. but, i'm glad i took the opportunity while i had it, and was able to visit some friends along the way. perhpas more trip details later, i have lots of things to get done right now, which includes downloading the 80 or so pictures i took.

just a quick message from germany. just got to bavaria today after spending 4 days in berlin. more trip details soon!

on losing love.

When I realize that she is gone, perhaps gone forever, a great void opens up and I feel that I am falling, falling, falling into deep, black space. And this is worse than tears, deeper than regret or pain or sorrow; it is the abyss into which Satan was plunged. There is no climbing back, no ray of light, no sound of human voice or human touch of hand.
--Henry Miller (Tropic of Cancer)

No, nothing is wrong, this was just in the book i'm reading and thought it was a good description.

back from aberdeen and stonehaven. the dunnottar castle was really great, and the weather couldn't have been better. like always, pictures to come...eventually.

off to aberdeen with emily for a couple days...

check out the view from matt's room. saturdays are special...two military tattoo shows.

sorry, part of me is still a geek, and i find things like 'installing windows XP' hilarious. i just hope i never have to reinstall XP on my laptop.

today is one of the warmest days of the year in scotland. i left the flat to run some errands, and to try to get some work done in a cafe (the library, my silent sanctuary being closed on saturdays), afterwards i read in george sq. it felt unbelievable hot. i just check the tempurature: 76F, 24C. and to think about the times when i used play soccer in 90F+ heat! i've certainly become conditioned to cooler weather.

i just decided to do some packing of things that i wasn't going to be needing, so that just before my germany trip, i can send them home and they'll be back around the same time i get there. it me happy that i only filled a box half full of books, and realized the rest of my posessions are clothes, shoes, a few pictures, cds, and my laptop. i don't think packing will be much of a problem.

just found out my poem has been accepted for publication in the next issue of Island by essence press. this makes me very happy! i owe a lot to the guidance of valerie. she has been published in Island as well (as have alan spence and thomas a. clark, all who have multiple volumes of poetry published) and put me in touch with the editor. something to celebrate this weekend.

it honestly seems as if edinburgh becomes an entirely different city during the festival. (at least here in city centre)

last night i had a dream. it was a revelation really. it explained some truth. it was clear, enlightening, life-changing. but i was too tired and didn't get up and write it down. now can't remember it. nothing.

broken social scene is good. i recommend their cd.

something occurred to me tonight. to me a big part of love is about choice. it is about choosing to invest time, energy, emotion--your self--in a relationship with another person. loving someone deeply is a sublime feeling, it is a feeling of understanding, acceptance. when someone chooses to place their focus elsewhere, that's when hurt comes in. for a long time i was bitter and resentful about times when people turned away from me, but i think i'm getting better with that.

this blog has also become a bit of a collective representation for wanting to continue to share with all my friends and family. perhaps that seems impersonal, since this is all public domain blah blah. instead, think of it as at least a symbol of my desire to continue to invest/interact with you (however vague at times...thanks for always pointing that out ryan).

the blog may ooze sentimentality for the next month or so. i just tend to get that way during major transistions. i trust you'll understand.

i had a three hour conversation with a friend today, which was really good. the bad part was that afterwards it made me realize how badly humans treat each other--sometimes on purpose, sometimes not. we both agreed that we (and generalizing for most of humanity) can also get over anything. that left a question of whether anything held long term meaning, since it could be replace, forgotten, or left behind. is it worth trying to maintain something that is good, knowing that it could be replaced? or is it better to let things be transient, taking what comes just while it is there? ah, i know i can't capture the three hours of conversation here to really convey what i want to say. but it was the first really philosophically charged chat i've had in a while, and it felt good.

the tattoo has started here in edinburgh, bringing these crowds every night for the next several weeks. (that was probably the background noise you heard on the phone, heather)

just when you think you can relax. i thought i had a pretty good idea of what was going to happen for next year after about two weeks of stressing out, decision making, and trying to work out start times etc. of course, now i might be going through it all over again--hopefully not, but i'm a pessimist. needless to say, i still do not have any clear idea of what is going to happen in the near future--i just hope i have some sort of income. it's hard to believe that holding computer engineering and creative writing degrees, and with two years of corporate consulting experience, i may not be able to find a job.

maybe eating dirt as a kid is a good thing. (link courtesy of 'dad')

wow, pittsburgh ranked #2 in this list of beautiful spots in america. (thanks to amanda for the link)

i saw "Good Bye Lenin" today. a cute movie about a german family that struggles to stay together even after the east and west are united. it was recommended by my german friends. it would have been better if they were there to explain some of the things, but i enjoyed it none-the-less.

when i got back i had a bit of a scare when the lady that runs the organization i was planning to work with next year told me that they all their funding was cancelled. however, there is still a position for me under a bit of a different organization, although the work is the same. so, for now i can relax.

i'll be hiking in the Pentland Hills today.

nuns copyright 'Mother Teresa'

'nother good job website for the UK: JobServe.com

it can be difficult sometimes to let go of things and be confident in the belief that you can do anything. but tonight my sense of freedom, coupled with all the uncertainty that lies ahead, lets me see the future as opportunity, not as something to worry about. (i remind myself that i promised myself that fear should not be a motivator) perhaps it's a zen-like moment. perhaps it's clarity. perhaps it's having the right attitude. the kick is to make it last.

the fog has come in heavy to edinburgh. i almost feel like i'm back in SF, except that the buildings here are hundreds of years older.

in a conversation w/ ryan tonight on IM, i just have to quote these two lines: "thoreau was much easier reading in the world of your blog" and "quit tailing your log". these go together b/c ryan always complains that my posts are too cryptic and the second quote makes little sense unless youre part tech geek.

"In the long run men only hit what they aim at. Therefore, though they should fail immediately, they had better aim at something high." --Henry David Thoreau

this has probably been the most stressful week since i've come to scotland. but i'm hoping that much of it will be resolved by the end of the week.

last night i went to the movies to get my mind off of things for a couple hours. i saw charlies angels 2 figuring it was was a safe bet for mindless entertainment. and i was right. but i also have to say that it was way better than i was expecting. it seemed like every scene was a parody from another movie. and it didn't disappoint in the area of stupid puns and ridiculous costumes. so, if you need a good escape from reality for a couple hours, and perhaps a laugh or two, i recommend it.

try this one out: go to google and type "weapons of mass destruction". click on the "i'm feeling lucky" button. read the message. (thanks to dad for the link)

may also want to read this analysis from the BBC.

this is what i hoped for: when you search google for edinburgh creative writing you get my class' webpage (that i put together).

that was one of the worst night's sleep ever

looking for work in the UK or EU? check out gojobsite

i went to Cramond island today with greg, colleen, and monica. at low tide you can walk to the island from hte mainland along a concrete foot bridge. the weather wasn't outstanding, but i didn't rain. there are old bunkers on the island used to protect the edinburgh from attack during WWII. the biggest downer was that my camera batteries died after a few pictures. i hope to go back and do some more exploring in the area, so maybe i'll get more pictures then.

ever got a line of a song in your head and just have to hear it? well, that happened to me just now. luckily, i found the song, Country Feedback (r.e.m.). "i need this"

my team won pub quiz last night

sometimes ugly strawberries taste the best.

just in glancing through my email, i seem to have a disproportionate number of friends whose names begin with the letter 'E'.

so, i've created a new template for my picture pages. i just need to convert the old ones over to the new design. the pictures from skye are done, but won't be online until i can transition everything at once. this web work is prepping me to do the work for the online mag over the next couple months--that sounds good, doesn't it?

i saw the movie rain tonight. it was really good, i would really recommend seeing it, the acting is stellar. just be sure to take your prozac with you.

i went to see the oyster wars with several of others from my course last night. alan helped coordinate the script writing for play, so we all came out to see the end result. the oyster wars was a community theatre project at the north edinburgh arts center, which is in muirhouse (yes, the actual murihouse from the movie trainspotting). it was the first community theatre i've seen; and it was pretty good for people who may never have been a part of a production like this before. and it was interesting to see if i could understand everything that was being said, which i did...mostly.

valerie gillies is my advisor for this term. she has been very encouraging and helpful in helping me find my voice in my writing, esp when it is related to nature. not to mention that she's extremely nice and generous--she's leant or given me books to read and took me out for tea after out last meeting. i feel it's kind of a shame that i'm leaving after this summer; i really feel like i've started to become a part of the 'scene' here in edinburgh.

i had the strangest dream last night. i was back in 6th grade, but my class consisted of people from either my creative writing course here, or other people i've met while in europe. it was like making everyone your currently know act as immature and insecure as possible, and forced to stay in the same room together. so on second thought, perhaps it was more of a nightmare.

ok, so my year isn't quite over, but i'm working on a new design for the blog. step one, name change.

the other night i watched "shallow grave". i think it claims to be set in glasgow, but all the opening scenes when they are driving around are of edinburgh.

You are Trinity, from "The Matrix."
Strong, beautiful- you epitomize the ultimate
heroine.


What Matrix Persona Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

quite a productive day for me. have a good weekend...

a drunk definition of cricket for an american

take baseball and bowling, mix in a martini glass, and that's cricket.
     -Leo

as i should have expected, a software package licensed under GNU (i.e. free) works better than windows media player. go download the videolan player for all your video streaming.

it's no wonder people get fustrated with microsoft. i can't play a home made digital video using windows media player on my machine, but my frien erin can. so i watched the video jeff sent me on her computer. can anyone tell me how to import the proper codec into WMP so i can watch it on my machine? the 'automatic download' doesn't work, even after changing (and screwing up my custom) security levels.

this evening we had a goodbye picnic for marcus on calton hill. he's leaving to live down in kent.

sometimes when i walk around, i get the feeling that a lot of the people i see are trying to convince either the public (i.e. me), themselves, or both, that they are happy and enjoying themselves. i'm not sure if it's just my pessimistic outlook, or an astute ability to see through people's facades, or something altogether different, but that's my impression when walking the streets.

for myself, i feel i know when i'm content, when i'm really happy, and when i'm self-conscious, upset, or generally not pleased. i was happier when i was sharing and exploring the streets of edinburgh; i am simply content in walking them alone again.

when i first saw the picture, i thought maybe he just saw a fiver on the ground. apparently he just lost his balance.

if you think watching grass grow is fun, then you'll love this.

as if this morning wasn't bad enough with another goodbye and being friday the 13th, the church across the street has decided to take up its 'driveway'. that means they were out this morning at around 8am with masonary saws and jackhammers.

sometimes i all in favor of the rain here, because it makes the bagpipers and construction workers go away to leave me in peace for at least a few minutes.

i'm headed to linlithgow for the day. it's the birthplace of mary queen of scots. should have pictures from that as well...of course, it all depends on when i get around to posting all these.

blogger had some troubles over the weekend, so i couldn't post anything, and now i forget what i wanted to say. ok, one of the things was that i wanted say was that my nephew's name is Caleb Michael. i wanted to make sure my sister got to call people she wanted to tell personally before i posted it here. and i got some pictures, he's a pretty big healthy boy.

yesterday was a very cool day. i went to the rosslyn chapel that is covered with stone carvings. the weather was ideal. then last night a bunch of us went out to prince balti, an indian restaurant in portobello. ran (the guy is from india, so i trust his opinion) knows the owner, so he gets us a 'student discount'. we all over ate; it was hard not to with such good food. then we went down to the beach to walk off some of that food.

i'm an uncle as of this morning

last night was eva's birthday party. it was fun and included (as seems always here) quite an international bunch. hopefully she enjoyed herself in between running around being hostess.

sam also left this morning. strange to think i may never see him again. strange to think i may never see many of the people here again after this year. these end-of-the-year times are always so bitter sweet.

here's where i've been all day, and where i'm reading tonight.

here is the edinburgh university creative writing website that i put together for the class. special thanks to amanda for her help.

the view of edinburgh from arthur's seat is fantastic during the day. it is also very cool to see lit up at night, esp the castle brightly lit up the top of the mound.

the next few weeks look like they could be quite full in my calendar. posts may be infrequent as i try to work on more projects and spend more time with friends in the same amount of time. i'm not a big fan of time...it keeps running out on me.

stagnation would kill me. (i think there's a poem in that somewhere)

meanwhile, ryan is in the galapagos islands.

a teaser of my highland photos. upper left: Strath na Sealga (strath means wide valley--wider than a glen); lower left: Old Man of Storr (Isle of Skye); right: coast of Loch Brittle--i'm the dot on the point of the cliff.

back from the highland trip. it was great. we covered a little over 35 miles in various parts of the northwest and skye. many many pictures taken, some of which i hope you'll find here when i get around to it.

i sent dave off this morning and now have the fun task of unpacking and cleaning.

dave made it here w/o much trouble today. we'll be in the highlands for the next six days. torridon and skye.

i'm the proud new owner of a brand new, never been used, university mattress.

sam and his friend inder from canada missed their flight to italy today. that was not good. but i don't really feel like dwelling on the negative right now.

it's amazing what can happen and go through one's head in a 24 hour period.

yahoo mail has some filters to block spam, which although not perfect, are way better than hotmails. i also have a dice.com account that emails me contracting job postings based on criteria that i set up. what i find interesting is that when there are no new postings, and i get an "empty" email from dice, yahoo puts it in my bulk mail folder, but when i get a "real" email, it delivers it to my inbox. i don't know if it was designed to do such things or not, but i like the way it works.

salam was able to post some 'back' entries of his experience of the war. this has got to be unprecidented in terms of having a first hand account available to so many people and in such a short time after the incident. if nothing else, it provides one iraqi's feeling and attitude toward the war.

so, i don't watch much tv, but appartently this commercial (requires flash) is playing in the UK.

i feel i have a lot of people to write to. i know i'm way behind on writing paper letters. if i've seemed unresponsive, bear with me, i've just been trying to get lots of things done. after i get back from my highland trip i'm going to make an effort to catch up on some correspondence.

bought new boots and a waterproof jacket for next weeks highlands excursion with dave. i'm wearing my boots now i'm so excited.

sometimes i do some basic reseach while writing a poem, just to make sure it makes sense. in this case, i found an amazing site on owls.

i saw X-men 2 last night. i agree with ryan.

self-integrity. i think sometimes people have a hard time understanding why i won't do or say things even if they've 'given me permission'. if i refuse to give advise on something, or refuse to repeat something that someone else has said to me, it is because i've made a commitment to myself. breaking promises made with others is an incredible act of dishonesty, breaking one to yourself is denying your own self worth.

i think people suffer far more often from doing this than from dealing with external relationship issues. sure, they're related, but self demeaning acts are the ones that cause more hurt, more emotional damage, and are much harder to convince yourself someone else is to blame.

for those that want to reminisce

NOOO!!!! Mapblast.com (vicinity) has been bought out by Micro$oft and is not part of MSN maps and directions page.

i went for a short run today w/ evan. about 10 minutes into the run, we experienced some of that unpredictable weather. it started hailing pea-sized hail. it lasted only a few minutes. we just kept running. it only really hurt if it hit you on the hands or tips of your ears.

so the plot thickens over the digital music and file sharing. the record companies have to figure out how to adapt to technology that is drastically changing their traditional distribution and revenue models. i hope that all this letigation is only a stall tactic while they are trying to figure out how to change.

interestingly enough, there is a similar, though much less troublesome, issue in the publishing industry. there are questions of first publication, electronic publication, as well as reprint rights if 'publish on demand' becomes widely available for all texts (esp for those out of print). these issues tend to be more between writers, agents, and publishers and are not as public as a result. however, technology is certainly changing how a lot of industries operate.

more pictures from grantown (thanks andy & kristina)
set 1
set 2
set 3

it's much easier to destroy than create. but no lasting satisfaction comes from destruction.

and you thought my blog was coming from far away.

this morning the sky was a mix of blue, white, and gray. it is often cloudy, overcast, and/or foggy in edinburgh in the morning. lately it has cleared up into pleasantly mild afternoons.

today, the gray grew darker, and wind began blowing a light horizontal rain. twenty minutes later, it's back to blue and white skies, only the few raindrops on my window as a reminder of the quickly changing weather of scotland.

last night there was a short talk given by an ex-warden of Mylnes Court. he wrote a book on the history of the buildings after serving his post. there were a couple interesting facts, like this was the first courtyard for 'commoners'. also other things about the architecture and how social standing was reflected by where one lived in the building.

there's a potential opportunity to bridge the gap between my technical skills and my writing interests. i've just got to figure out how much time i can put into it since it'd all be 'volunteer' work. i've got thinking to do and decisions to make.

this is where i'll be tonight

rumor has it (thanks jen) that 10-10-987 is 3 cents a minute from the US to the UK, with a 39 cent connection fee. hint hint.

ok, i know it sounds lame, but i just spent some time working on my resumes. yes, plural. now that my 'career' (or perhaps just my life) is branching out in more directions, i have to keep multiple resumes that are targeted for different audiences: 'high' technical, 'low' technical, volunteering, and writing.

Happy Easter everyone

erin and i were all set to dye eggs today. but, alas, we couldn't find any food coloring.

here's a funny one.

i'd like to see more follow-up reports like this.

there's not too much exciting to talk about lately. i've been reading, soaking up as much of the sun while it's around (in fact, i just got back from a little picnic in the meadows), and working on my writing. people are starting to come back from break, so things should get more interesting soon. maybe.

new pictures

how could i complain about today: i woke up, went to the national gallery of scotland, came home, finished reading yeats memoirs, took a nap, worked on my poetry for a few hours, went for a walk (got a couple beers for tonight). now i'm going to make some dinner, and after, watch the celtic v boavista game with steve.

wow, what a weekend. i'm back, and exhausted, and have pictures which i'll try to get up in a reasonable time.

i'll be up in the highlands for the next 2 days. stay tuned.

Kenneth White writes:

     Travelling this way, where am I going?--nowhere. I pass through many places of the mind--to get nowhere. Nowhere is difficult, but I'll get there someday... Nowhere is anywhere, is mywhere.
     Who am I?--just a sign for the infinite; maybe just a zero.
(Travels in the Drifting Dawn)

i'm looking for my own 'mywhere', while i travel in my own way. it is those moments of clarity, when time, place, people, purpose all come together and you understand. internally there is no conflict, even if you see the failures that border the moment on every side. the key is to learn how to stay in that moment for as long as possible. that is what i'm trying to learn; by reading, by traveling, by living.

if you thought that people in the states drove fast, look at this article. and i can tell you from experience, scotland highways are not designed for speeds faster than in the US.

because i'm just that well connected, i got to hear preview of the new radiohead album. good stuff. too bad i didn't know they were playing edinburgh earlier...

so, i got up to go to church this morning, the 11:30 mass. good thing i booted my computer, b/c it was clock changing day, which means it was already noon when i got out of the shower, not 11. looks like i'll be going tonight instead.

a blog straight from iraq

"'He held it to his ear, shook it, and put it carefull down saying, 'The hands have ceased to go round and round, and no trust whatever can be placed in it.' He closed his eyes, opened his mouth, lay back on the pillow and at last said definitely, 'We are in the region of midnight." (Lanark, Alasdair Gray)

i'm back from firbush. it was a good weekend. the highlight of the trip was the mountain biking we did. they have tons of equipment for outdoor activities at the center; the bikes were pretty nice. it was the first time i had been riding in years, and the first bike with front suspension that i've experienced. we did mabye 10 or 12 miles. there were some really good long downhill sections.

yesterday i went off for a hike on my own. it was just a taste of what i hope to do and see when dave comes out to visit. i went up to about 640m (2100 ft), which was the highest point for a day hike from the center, and probably about a total of 7 or 8 miles. it turned out to be a fantastic day weather wise, dispite some morning fog. the only bad part was that i didn't have my camera, the batteries had died just before i left for the weekend.

then last night we had a fire along the shore of loch tay. i love camp fires. i'll be letting my body recover from so much physical activity in such concentration tonight and tomorrow.

i'm leaving for a weekend with some other creative writers to firbush, on loch tay, today.

this article really shows what good vs bad foreign policy can do. even if the US is the only world power, and wants to stay that way, then it can't afford to destroy all its traditional alliances.

this disturbs and upsets me

i noticed i got some of scott's readers the last couple days. i hope they're repeat readers...and maybe some of you will appreciate scott's writing.

pictures from my trip to bath last month are now up...and things should now be mozilla friendly as well. let me know if you encounter strangities.

last night i went to an acoustic event at a pub/bar. there turned out to be a lot of cool bands playing. so i bought the cd that was on sale for 3 quid. it reminded me slightly of going to see lowercase pete in my undergrad days.

a man needs to fix his knowledge
but he also needs an emptiness
in which to move

from The Blue Road,Kenneth White

there's already a line outside of finnegan's wake, one of the largest and best irish pubs in city centre. happy st. patrick's day!

today around noon, there was a small anti-war demonstration. it looked pretty much like a school outing. and most likely, the chants of "1,2,3,4, we don't want no fucking war" were more of a chance for youths to swear publicly.

there are a multitude of other interesting hypotheses that you could make from this as well. questions like: "do they realize that a double negative really makes a positive?", "does the silly behaviour of adults (who were chanting the same thing at the larger rally a week or so ago) just encourage and perpetuate youth?", and "does telling a class they have to go out and demonstrate really make anyone thing these kids understand the situation and really believe the war is wrong; or is it just another example of instilling anti-american sentiment into the coming generation?"

you see, i've yet to see a demonstration that has moved me to believe that the peoplel were really sincere about their cause. if you are marching against war in iraq, don't start about a free palestine, or socialism. stick to the issue; not everyone that is anti-war is an extreme leftist on every issue. that's why i have a hard time demonstrating. these days it becomes a reason for every activist to start beating his or her drum. so i'm not apathetic, but i am careful in what i decide to support.

i think i need a better schedule other than 11:30am-3:30am. altho, it tends to be easiest to get reading done between 10 and 1 (then there are the drunks outside for an hour), and between 2-3 (when the clubs close, more drunks. eventually they lull me to sleep)

wooooo! i handed everything in today. it feels kinda strange to have nothing to do but write for the next six months.

we had our last drama workshop today with zinnie harris. she's really cool; i've really enjoyed the workshops she's led. hopefully i'll get a chance to see her and/or her work some time again before i leave scotland. we also took her out to the pub, but she had a quick OJ and then had to run to pick up her son (who is almos 1 year old).

i downloaded mozilla to see what the latest build was like. i read some comments about it being better than IE in performance and that it held to stricter standards. it does seem to load the pages faster, but some pages that use non-standard tags and script look really bad...including my own picture pages as i discovered. conclusion, i'll probably be sticking with IE, but i will try to rewrite my pages to be standard compliant. ah, when i can get around to it.

well, the essay is done...or as done as it's going to get. it's not going to wow and scholars, or non-scholars for that matter, but it should be enough to pass. hopefully ronnie appreciates the effort. i probably spent some 36 hours of writing/editing time on it, that doesn't include any of the time for doing background reading. after tomorrow, i'll have my life back.

so i'm really busy until friday. my prof told me the draft of my essay sucked on monday; it's due friday...along with my portfolio for the term, which is serverely lacking in quality and quantity...so i'm trying to work on at least one of those issues.

for all the long outstanding emails from folks, you'll just have to sit tight.

thanks to all those that sent birthday wishes. even tho i'm no big fan of birthdays, i think i appreciate it more when i'm on another continent.

been playing tourist along with the parents the last couple days. went to the castle the other day; today we went to Holyrood Palace and the botanical gardens. and we're about to go out to dinner and then some drinks. then tomorrow its back to some serious work as my essay is technically due a week from tomorrow.

making friends....yes, the fire alarm goes off at just after 4am this morning. all of milnes court has to get out of the building. we're all joking about what to do with the person who set off the alarm. then the firemen come and ask for the key to my room number. sweet. of course, i was sleeping, have no candles or anything of any sort. so they say that 'it must have been a flaw in the system.' well, i'm sure i made some new friends this morning.

the 'rents made it to edinburgh this evening. they were tired, of course. anyone that has been in 4 cities in 10 days is bound to be. i got them settled into their room at the Castle View and then we had a pint in new town. then i came back and did a few more hours of work. woohoo.

so, logi (Loy-ee. it's icelandic) had a surprise birthday party thrown for him by marcie. here i am helping prepare a balloon for his arrival. there was much merrymaking, and logi almost had a heart attack when 20 people screamed "surprise" at him when he came in. i thought you all might like to see my pretty face.

insider canadian info...courtesy of my canadian flatmate.

inevitably, things change. elan is moving out of the house that he, charlie and i lived in in california in a couple days. it's weird to think that when i go back now, there won't be that familiar, lived-in space to visit.

on a totally separate note, i went glasgow tuesday night for the reading being given by the glasgow creative writing masters program. it was held at scotia bar, the oldest pub in glasgow. it was a packed house and a good time had by all. next time to glasgow should be a full day trip though.

i'm sure you've heard people talk about having moments in life when things seem very clear. where thought, purpose, meaning, and reality somehow actually come together as a complete whole, rather than a complete hole. those times decisions seem fairly simple to make, everything fits into a pattern and there is a completeness, or at least a cohesiveness to life-at-large.

most people have experienced, or at least known someone to have experienced, a time when the life they're living seems to fall out of its pattern. something feels amiss, and comfortable contentment breaks down. this causes a short period of depression when you might question the whole structure your life is built upon.

maybe these two events of supreme clarity and muddled confusion are almost the same thing. in one, we see the ideal system of happiness and how we play our blissful part. in the other, we see the flaws in the reality of it all.

i just made a fried egg sandwhich and used butter instead of oil. i forgot how good butter can taste.

jen left for london today. we had a good time, just hanging out, and me showing her around where i live and a little of the uni. we did go to the camera obscura, which was really pretty neat. it helped that there was NO RAIN for 5 consecutive days. i think thats considered a drought here. and of course we had a pint at Ensign Ewart, which is fast becoming my favorite pub. all in all it was good to have a friend from home visit; now the 'rents will be here in another week.

but the bad part is that it's now back to reality, and i have to get back to work.

back from bath. cool town and a good time getting out of edinburgh, travelig, and having a friend to hang out with. pictures and more details coming soon. time for some sleep...

i'll be in Bath, England this weekend. see you tuesday.

valentines day is a sham.

4:30am and i'm still awake. no wonder i never get up before 10am.

congratulations to justin and jennifer...there is a new berger in the oven.

ssshhh....do you hear that?
[silence]
silence, my favorite.

a little humour

i saw Cidade de Deus ("city of god") over the weekend. an extremely well done film; one of those powerful movies that keeps you amazed at the brutality of humanity. not for the faint of heart, but a film well worth seeing.

updated pictures of edinburgh

last night i went sled riding with Sam, Steve, and Erin on Calton Hill. i haven't had that sort of crazy kid fun in quite a while. it seems harder and harder to find those opportunities the older you get. bad side is that i forgot my camera, so no pictures.

snow!

my dad sent me the following transcript. anyone that has ever been called at dinner will appreciate it. brilliant!

mcdonalds similar to heroin?

this morning and most of this afternoon was a beautiful looking day, but outside it was bitter cold and windy. they're even calling for flurries in the city tomorrow.

i was looking up names for potential characters in my play. i ran across this list, which ranks my first two names one and two.

i watched the super bowl last night. the was exceptionally boring (i didn't stay for the entire game), and you don't get the cool commercials in the UK.

Quote out of context of the day: "I have only two potatoes, and i'm keeping them for myself." (Erin)

two things: one, tonight is burns night (or burns nycht). not sure what it entails, but probably pubs and drinking...and haggis. two, i'm sitting here eating grapes for dessert after dinner. but you see, my refrigerator is more like a freezer, so they're actually frozen a bit in the middle. that means each one's like a self wrapped mini grape slushy.

relationships are not a game i ever intend to play half way. anything less than complete, open honesty will not count you as one of my closest, truest friends.
love with self interest isn't love.

haggis, neeps and tatties. yum! (i hope)

every time i eat a kellogs nutri-grain bar, i can't help but think of backpacking in the sierras w/ ryan. we ate so many of those things in 3 days.

just came out of a reading with Alan Spence. i really want to read both his poetry and latest novel Way to Go; rarely do i find that i want to read both genres of an author at first exposure. most of his poetry is short and in the zen tradition--a lot of haiku or other short forms of highly specific detail. and on top of that, he was the easiest author to talk to after a reading, just an average guy and down to earth.

dawn's a.lifeuncommon.org has received a little more attention. dawn was my internet secret santa a couple years back when i was living in menlo park, ca. i still drop in on her site occasionally, just to check out some of her superb pictures.

teaching difficult lessons can be just as hard as learning them.

i saw the Two Towers today. fantastic. i think it far out did the first one. of course, there was much more action in this one i think. but i'm also very much excited about seeing the third one. but i really want to see this one again, and i don't say that about movies often.

why am i cynical? because nearly all my experience leads me to that conclusion.
"welcome to my life, this is the real thing.
things fall out that i never knew where there.
how else can i phrase this when you fucked me over again?
you tried to kill me again, but i still breathe."
- "Anatomy of Anger", the unpronounceable

one of the joys of living on the royal mile: jackhammers at 9am in the morning. this is especially appreciated during bouts of insomnia, when that's about the time you fall asleep.

i hate when i feel impatient.

i listened to the steelers game last night over the web. it made me feel like i was back in the states (particularly pittsburgh) since i got to listen to myron cope himself. myron has been doing steeler play-by-play since i can ever remember. and he's got some interesting phrases and exclamations all his own.

oops. i just realized that i forgot to set my time zone back to GMT when i got back, so the times/dates of my posts are a little wacky. technology will be really good when it changes automatically for you.

yesterday was the first drama workshop. i decided to take the drama option this term since the prose will be more of a sequel to the first term, and i didn't do that one. douglas maxwell is teaching the workshop. he is a professional playwrite here in scotland, and he absolutely loves his work. it's always inspirational to see someone loving their work so much. and in the first hour of class, it's obvious he knows a lot about writing for the stage. although i have no idea if i'll be any good at this at all, i think it will be a fun challenge with douglas leading it.

for your visual stimulation, the latest picture from my flat window.

my bags arrived late last night, only 36 hours after me.

that sun in edinburgh, yeah, it's gone. back to windy, overcast and rainy. yes, that's how i remember you.

back in edinburgh. feels strangly familiar to come back to after only living here for 3 months before i left. a not all together uneventful trip here. when i got to detroit, there was a minute left of the steelers-browns game. well, the steelers won and held on to win. we left a little late in detroit, and when i got to amsterdam, i had to walk a good ways to get to my gate for my connection. i made it, apparently my bag didn't. when i went thru immigration, since i was staying longer than 6 months, he asked me more questions than normal. it made me more nervous, plus i had been up for nearly 22 hrs at that point, but he stamped me with the long term student pass in my passport and there wasn't a problem. actually, that's better, because i can legally work with that stamp. i didn't really want to sleep before tonight, but i don't think i'm going to make it. i'll set my alarm and try to keep it a short nap. oh, one more quick note, it's sunny in edinburgh for my arrival, again. i think it means she likes me.

tomorrow is my last day in pgh. i head to the airport tomorrow morning. from there i have to go to detroit, then amsterdam, then edinburgh. yeah, this is going to be a fun flight. but hey, it was cheap.

it's simple. it's so damn simple. and yet, i don't think they'll ever understand.