I was at home the other night in the middle of my
 dinner when the phone
 rang.
 ME: Hello.

 AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T ...

 ME: Is this AT&T.?

 AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ....

 ME: This is AT&T.?

 AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ....

 ME: Is this AT&T.?

 AT&T: Yes! This is AT&T, may I speak to
 Mr.Byron, please.?

 ME: May I ask who is calling.?

 AT&T: This is AT&T.

 ME: Ok, hold on.

 At this point I put the phone down for a solid 5
 minutes thinking that,
 surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I
 ate my salad. Much
 to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, they
 were still waiting.

 ME: Hello.?

 AT&T: Is this Mr. Byron.?

 ME: May I ask who is calling, please.?

 AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...

 ME: This is AT&T.?

 AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T ...

 ME: The phone company.?

 AT&T: Yes, sir.

 ME: I thought you said this was AT&T.

 AT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company.

 ME: I already have a phone.

 AT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Byron. We
 would like to offer
 you 10 cents a
 minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week,
 365 days a year.

 ME: Now, that's 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day?

 AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my
 interest) Yes, sir,
 that's right! 24
 hours a
 day!

 ME: 7 days a week.?

 AT&T: That's right.

 ME: 365 days a year.?

 AT&T: Yes, sir.

 ME: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!!!
 That's amazing!

 AT&T: We think so!

 ME: That's quite a sum of money!

 AT&T: Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up.

 ME: Ok, so will you send me checks weekly,
 monthly or just one big one at the end of the year
 for the full $52,560;
 and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash
 advance.?

 AT&T: Excuse me.?

 ME: You know, the 10 cents a minute.

 AT&T: What are you talking about.?

 ME: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute,
 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days
 a year. That comes to $144 per day,
 $1008 per week and $52,560 per year.
 I'm just interested in knowing how you
 will be making payment.

 AT&T: Oh, no, sir. I didn't mean we'd be paying you.
 You pay us 10 cents
 a minute.
 ME: Wait a minute, how do you figure that by
 saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute, that
 I'll give YOU 10
 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal
 telemarketing scheme.?
 I've read about things like this in the Enquirer,
 you know.

 AT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for
 ...

 ME: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a
 supervisor please.?

 AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary.

 ME: I insist on speaking to a supervisor.!

 AT&T: Yes, Mr. Byron. Please hold.

 At this point, I begin trying to finish my dinner.

 SUPERVISOR: Mr. Byron.?

 ME: Yeth.?

 SUPERVISOR: I understand you are not quite
 understanding our 10 cents a
 minute program.

 ME: Is This A T & T.?

 SUPERVISOR: Yes, sir, it sure is.

 ME: (I had to swallow before I choked on my
 food. It was all I could do to suppress my laughter
 and I had to be
 careful not to
 produce a snort.) No, actually, I was just waiting
 for someone to get
 back to me so that I could sign up for the plan.

 SUPERVISOR: Ok, no problem, I'll transfer you
 back to the person who was
 helping you.

 ME: Thank you.

 I was on hold once again and managed a few more
 mouthfuls. I need to end
 this conversation. Suddenly, there was an aggravated
 but polite voice at
 the other end of the phone.

 AT&T: Hello, Mr. Byron, I understand that you are
 interested in signing
 up for our plan.?

 ME: No, but I was wondering - do you have
 that "Friends and Family" thing because
 I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a
 little brother...

 AT&T: click........