short photo journal of a south korean visiting the north. worth a quick browse

drink dark beer. (courtesy my brother-in-law jeff)

i'm going back to edinburgh. graduation is the first week of december, and altho i already told the university that i won't be at the ceremony, several other folks will be back that week. it's something to look forward to, i can't wait.

crystal's goin shoe shopping.

a long and busy weekend. sunday i went to a 2.5 hour baptist service for work. then spent 6 hours at a club that my nonprofit was a sponsor for. all that the night at the symphony. today i was able to leave by 2:30 and met a friend for tea.

i heard a lot of bad news the past few days. but if nothing else, it is a reminder of how good i've got it.

going to the symphony tonight. one of the perks of my job is that i can get free tickets to cultural things like this through Pitt ARTS.

help out a friend of a friend, take a short survey.

ryan has me listed in his address book as 'white chocolate'. this has been a running joke of a nickname due to the fact there are multiple jason williamses in the nba.

art vs work. i'm starting to write again. my life seems to be settling to where the waters of thought can run a little clearer. the world is releaving its poetics to me. it just feels as if this time has been wasted, but hopefully it's much need preparation.

the other night i went to the studio/foundry with my roommate to help her with her sculpture. i learned a lot about the process of making a sculpture which was cool. eventually i should have a picture to show of what i helped with. but i'll leave that to be a surprise.

head hunters and recruiters keep calling and emailing. i'm not sure how hard to pursue. options always seem good, even if you don't take them, even if they force you to make decisions. and on top of all of that, i got an offer to move to NYC to live the lifestyle i did last year (in some respects, altho i'd have to find a way to support myself financially). tempting, tempting.

bottom line is i want passionate people around me. and as my friend moving to new york said, "people who read books and think outside the mass consumer/television culture. People who question the system and are worried more about real issues instead constantly talking about which new chain restaurant opened where. " people that do what they want, not what they're told they want.

zoze crazy jairmens von agane!

good news. i forgot to mention this early, but the work i submitted for my masters in creative writing has passed the external examination according to my advisor. that means i'm getting my diploma in dec. speaking of that dec graduation, i think i might head back to bonnie scotland to visit a few folks. i need to get myself organized a bit and get a flight.

'nother reading last night. this one was two short stories in the spirit of halloween--Edgar Allen Poe - The Cask of Amontillado and H.P. Lovecraft - In the Vault. the event was an american shorts reading series event. both readers were really quit good, and the venue, the mellon mansion at chatham college provided the perfect ambiance for the halloween motif.

as for halloween tonight, i don't really have any plans. none of my friends seem to return my calls. most likely i'll just spend the night catching up on some reading unless something else comes up later.

international communities. tonight i went to a poetry reading that was entirely in spanish. casey let me tag along to her friend's poetry reading. since i don't speak spanish, i went specifically to listen to the sounds and rhythms of poetry in another language. afterwards i went out with a few of the folks there for a drink and a bite. it was nice to have an international group to hang out with, even if was only for a night. the us, columbia, el salvador, and mexico were all represented. it felt good to be out meeting folks. especially interesting peeps with diverse backgrounds.

something else for philadelphia to be proud of: two of the most dangerous intersections in the nation.

this weekend i read. it was nice to feel like i was reading the quantity i was last year. i finally finished Atonement. two thirds of the way through, i was starting to have my doubts about it. but like most of the books i enjoy, that last third came through. next it's Catch-22, a staple that i never got around to reading.

i have to say that the latest strongbad emails have returned to their old form after a stint of not-so-funny emails.

here's a little preview of our pumpkins from the other night...

left to right--mine, casey's, crystal's.

last night casey, crystal and i carved pumpkins. there will be pictures to follow. maybe. not having broadband upload from home might cause significant delays. all the pumpkin-now-jack-o-lanterns are brilliant displays of the halloween spirit. in conjunction with that spirit, the weather seems to be turning colder. the radio said that the high would be in the mid 40s today.

its official, i didn't get the job in la. ryan said the new guy started today. he also said he wasn't impressed. after all that time it sounds like they still made the wrong decision.

last night i spent 3 hours on the phone. i haven't done that for years. but i needed to catch up with some peeps, and i had my new phone to try out. dave asked me to be in his wedding, that'll be my fifth. caught up with my sister and jen some as i hadn't talked to either of them in a while.

tomorrow night is pumpkin carving night. stop by with a pumpkin if you want to join in the fun. i have high expectations for crystal since she just graduated from art school.

my new phone

reconnected. and in case you didn't notice, dialup has been established.

two weekends, two weddings, too tired. yesterday i went to a friend's sister's wedding. she was the maid of honor, which meant we didn't get to talk or hang out as much as we would have liked, but that's just how it is when your in the wedding. it was the same way when i was in my sister's wedding. all the other wedding party dates were at the same table, so we all were in the same boat. i'm looking forward to having a weekend to spend entirely at home tho.

crystal was home from her fashion show when i got back. she said it went really well. good thing after all the work she put into it. i'm wanna see a tape or at least some pictures of it.

i think we're carving pumpkins tonight.

can't get dialup to work from the apartment yet. but at least i now have an apartment, phone line, heat and electric all functioning.

yesterday i found out that it is probably faster to walk home than to take the bus. i took the bus for two reasons: to try to minimize the amount of time in the rain, and to see how long it would take. next purchases will be a bicycle and a mobile phone.

disconnected. email and blog posts will be significantly decreased as i have no phone, let alone dsl in my new apartment.

the wedding weekend in philly went well. i got to see a lot of the family that i haven't seen in probably close to two years. even tho i stayed with megan, we only saw each other for about 3 or 4 hours total. she had to work, or i was out partying. emily was a good sport at the wedding. the in-laws were able to empathize with the introduction by fire to the murray clan.

yesterday i finished moving into my new apartment. its taking shape, crystal still has a lot more work to do than i do. we need to get the heat on and i need to get a phone...soon.

bright spots. PittArts holds free lunch lectures about once a week. not only do i get lunch, but also get to listen in to some something that is not related to what i deal with all day. and i definitely need more outside intellectual stimulation right now.

today's speaker was jeremy boyle. he is an artist that does installations 'bridging the boundary between visual art and the recording studio'. although i wasn't totally blow away, it was still interesting enough to make me want to visit the mattress factory.

after a long silence, elan had a few short things to say.
ryan keeps on rambling...literally.

ma & pa helped me get more stuff moved into my apartment last night. first stop was ikea for the bed, then to the apartment. i think my futon is way cool. and the 'hood @ night seemed good too. tonight i'm headed to philly for a wedding on friday night. but i plan to start living at my new place when i get back.

uninspired. have i mentioned that i haven't written a word since i've been back? this is not desirable in the least. but i did sign my lease, which means i now have an apartment that i am paying for but don't have time to move into.

blogging statistics i just read this short article on blog usage. i was actually surprised to find out that there are more females that blog than males. it also seem ironic since i just took a blogging survey for blogger.com.

congratulations to justin. he and jennifer have a new member to the family. i'll probably meet jeffrey michael before caleb michael.

for all you coffee drinkers out there. but really, can there be a fair trial in the italian capital of coffee?

12.5 hour days at a nonprofit, getting paid what i'm getting paid, is not worth it. esp when i spend half of it doing similar work to what i was doing in high school. today i am not happy. so i am going to bed.

friday night marcie and logi stopped here in pittsburgh on their way from ny to colorado. it was nice to see them, even if they only stayed for about 12 hrs. i'll post a pick when i get a chance.

i looked at apartments this weekend. i found one i want, i just need to get my roommate to want this one too. shouldnt be too hard, it's in our price range and is in a decent neighborhood with adaquate parking.

morning commute. fog laden city early morning eye headlight floating by halo beams shining. damp chill pulsing breath marks coffee scented wafts street spinning tires yellow bus flahing light trails red of dotted brakes.

we've created a 'book club' at work. today i borrowed casey's, my team member's, carnegie library card to get out the book for this fortnight. the smell of old books is such a comforting smell, and as i walked through the stacks of printed words, i had both a feeling overcome me that was somewhere between nostalgia and a fondness for the simplicity, wonder, and thought that can come from a good novel. there is something about the lineage of literature.

last night i saw a northern chorus in pittsburgh at the rex theater in the south side. all four bands were all pretty good, but i liked a northern chorus the best. all you who didn't show up missed a good show. it was cool to catch up with sam too. might meet up with those guys again to see broken social scene, another canadian indie band that is on tour.

and in other news i started looking for an apartment in pittsburgh. rents seem so cheap compared to what i am used to paying. i have a roommate, too, so we're looking for 2 bedroom places. she was an art student at CMU and is the type of creative person i want to be around. plus it should be a way into the artistic community in pgh, something i'll need if i'm around all year.

a few blog corrections.
sam's band is still touring, but they just had to take down the website for legal reasons. the rex theater in pgh tomorrow night. be there all you pgh peeps.

and please note that ryan instills fear in small children and feels and gives no love towards me. and he's single, go figure.

it looks as if the band sam was touring with decided to cut it short. i went to double check the time and venue, and it has been changed.

it's amazing how little time i am finding to read and write. i really havent written anything since i've been back. at least i have read about a quarter of a novel in the past week (about 10Xs slower than what i was at).

but i have spent lots of time with my mum. she is taking me to work in the mornings and picks me up after, each way between 45 to 75 mins. plus i've helped or made dinner the past couple nights. however, there is something significant lacking in this lifestyle. which reminds me, i need to go make my lunch for tomorrow.

people make you feel loved when you get back from being abroad for a year. thanks for the phone calls and emails megan, ryan, elan, haleema, emily, dave, mom, dad, heather...and those are just the ones off the top of my head.

after having lived in the UK for a year, i have the tendency to want to add extra U's to words.

culture shock. welcome back--no usable public transit, no fresh bakeries, nothing but chain restaurants and prepackaged food. no silence, no resting, no sense of enjoying life now, enjoying the present.

i know what i want. but its not going to be easy to get there.

[ignore this post if you did not know why i would be in LA]
got back from LA tonight. still haven't heard what i want to hear, and i don't like being put into the situation that they're going to end up leaving me in. i should get a final answer by next week. if not, i'll give them mine.

on the personal side of things, it was cool to see ryan for a few hours. he bought me dinner at a great sushi place--boy do i miss good sushi. then we just chilled at his place until i passed out from exhaustion.

speaking of passing out, goodnight.

updated pictures.
check out more highland pictures and a few more from edinburgh.

please let me know if you find any missing pictures or broken links. this is another minor redesign (you can now link directly to a picture and they have thumbnails).

back in pittsburgh. flights went well. on time and all. my luggage fared less well. one MIA, another DOA--the suitcase zipper broken...luckily not to the point where anything fell out. then i had it all taped shut in detroit customs. well, i'm approaching 24 hrs of awakeness. goodnight.

goodbye edinburgh. i will miss you.

having had several outings with people to say goodbye over the past few days, today i packed and then said my goodbye to edinburgh. we spent most of the day alone, enjoying one of those beautiful sunny days when it's warm when the sun is out and quite cool when it hides behind a cloud. i am sad to go, but take with me so many great memories and new friendships; much anticipation lies for what is just around the corner.

done. printed and bound. after more runaround this morning, including walking all the way to kings buildings, the final work is complete. i had an extra copy printed to lend to those that actually are interested in reading it. let me know and i'll put you on the waiting list.

last night was the last big night out. and it was everything that i could have hoped for. it started with the creative writing course last get together. then i walk over to new town with steve to wish ian a happy birthday. finally heading back to, where else, Medina, to meet back up with some of the tried and true creative writers as well as niki and the irish girls. niki elaine and i called it a night/morning after unsuccessfully looking for breakfast at 7:30 this morning. seems somewhat appropriate that i saw one more sunrise in edinburgh before i leave.

went to the scotland vs ireland rugby game today w/ erin and steve. it was my frist rugby game. i don't know all the rules, but it was pretty fun to watch. you have to respect guys that are willing to run full speed at each other and try to tackle. ireland won 29-10.

tonight is the last get together with the creative writing class. one last pint with the aspiring authors.

this week's photos are good.

murphy's law. i get up early, shower, and head to the lab to print out my portfolio and take it to the copier to have it printed and bound. of course, it couldn't be that simple. first i had to add money to my printing account, and the change machine was off, there goes about a half hour just trying to find the person in the library to get me change from the machine. then i forget to turn off double sided printing. then when i take it to the printer, he says that when it's reduced and bound that the left margin will not be big enough. ok, back to the computer lab, reformat, reprint (after adding more money to my account), go back to the printer. sorry, the machine just broke, come back in a few hours or maybe monday. i'll let you know when i have the final copies in my hands.

last night was steve's birthday celebration. some of us went to 'outsider' for dinner. my roasted duck breast has to rank as one of the best meals out i've had in the last year. after that, we went to 'the doctors' for a couple pints; when that closed we went to medina; when that closed we came back here. a good time was had by all.

i seem to have pulled or strained a muscle in my back which is annoying and distracting. never-the-less, i almost have a complete draft, laid out and ready for printing, with title page and all. hopefully everything will be done by the end of the week, and i can take to it printing monday and have a couple days in case something goes wrong before i leave.

my email inbox levels are finally back to normal (~70 outstanding messages), down from the 130 or so that were there when i got back from my trip.

quick plug for the canadian indie band my (ex)flatmate from edinburgh is touring with this month. don't miss sam 'singing like a girl'.

I rejoice that there are owls. Let them do the idiotic and maniacal hooting for men…. They represent the stark twilight and unsatisfied thoughts which all have. --Henry David Thoreau

last night were the end of festival fireworks at the castle. they were exceptional, probably the best display i've ever seen. there were some new types that i had never seen, which is always nice. and there were stationary burning flares that lit the castle in different colors at some points. the most striking was a 'waterfall' of bright white sparks that cascaded down one of the walls/cliff-faces. it was a 45 minute show set to music played by an orchestra. and it was cool to see the entire mound and princes street shut down and packed with people. i suppose that means that the festival is officially over, hopefully things will be quieter now.

oh yeah, i got hit with the MSBlast virus. rather annoying that you can now get a virus simply by having your computer on. i have antivirus software, am behind a firewall, and never download email or email attachments unless first scanned. the problem is that microsoft sucks. my next computer will run linux.

when norton updated its definitions, it caught the virus, and then i spent and hour or so getting rid of it. so, all good now.

my friends are cool. its funny how even friends that you may not be really close with suddenly come through for you at just the right time. i'm on the brink of another life transition. i'm not even sure what it will be or where it will take me, but the anticipation, fear, anxiety, excitement, and thrill of new possibilies are building on a daily basis.

just a little teaser of my germany pictures. here is me in berlin. and here is me in Ulm.

back from germany. it was an exhausting trip. even when led around by natives, trying to see 5 cities in 10 days is too much. but, i'm glad i took the opportunity while i had it, and was able to visit some friends along the way. perhpas more trip details later, i have lots of things to get done right now, which includes downloading the 80 or so pictures i took.

just a quick message from germany. just got to bavaria today after spending 4 days in berlin. more trip details soon!

on losing love.

When I realize that she is gone, perhaps gone forever, a great void opens up and I feel that I am falling, falling, falling into deep, black space. And this is worse than tears, deeper than regret or pain or sorrow; it is the abyss into which Satan was plunged. There is no climbing back, no ray of light, no sound of human voice or human touch of hand.
--Henry Miller (Tropic of Cancer)

No, nothing is wrong, this was just in the book i'm reading and thought it was a good description.

back from aberdeen and stonehaven. the dunnottar castle was really great, and the weather couldn't have been better. like always, pictures to come...eventually.

off to aberdeen with emily for a couple days...

check out the view from matt's room. saturdays are special...two military tattoo shows.

sorry, part of me is still a geek, and i find things like 'installing windows XP' hilarious. i just hope i never have to reinstall XP on my laptop.

today is one of the warmest days of the year in scotland. i left the flat to run some errands, and to try to get some work done in a cafe (the library, my silent sanctuary being closed on saturdays), afterwards i read in george sq. it felt unbelievable hot. i just check the tempurature: 76F, 24C. and to think about the times when i used play soccer in 90F+ heat! i've certainly become conditioned to cooler weather.

i just decided to do some packing of things that i wasn't going to be needing, so that just before my germany trip, i can send them home and they'll be back around the same time i get there. it me happy that i only filled a box half full of books, and realized the rest of my posessions are clothes, shoes, a few pictures, cds, and my laptop. i don't think packing will be much of a problem.

just found out my poem has been accepted for publication in the next issue of Island by essence press. this makes me very happy! i owe a lot to the guidance of valerie. she has been published in Island as well (as have alan spence and thomas a. clark, all who have multiple volumes of poetry published) and put me in touch with the editor. something to celebrate this weekend.

it honestly seems as if edinburgh becomes an entirely different city during the festival. (at least here in city centre)

last night i had a dream. it was a revelation really. it explained some truth. it was clear, enlightening, life-changing. but i was too tired and didn't get up and write it down. now can't remember it. nothing.

broken social scene is good. i recommend their cd.

something occurred to me tonight. to me a big part of love is about choice. it is about choosing to invest time, energy, emotion--your self--in a relationship with another person. loving someone deeply is a sublime feeling, it is a feeling of understanding, acceptance. when someone chooses to place their focus elsewhere, that's when hurt comes in. for a long time i was bitter and resentful about times when people turned away from me, but i think i'm getting better with that.

this blog has also become a bit of a collective representation for wanting to continue to share with all my friends and family. perhaps that seems impersonal, since this is all public domain blah blah. instead, think of it as at least a symbol of my desire to continue to invest/interact with you (however vague at times...thanks for always pointing that out ryan).

the blog may ooze sentimentality for the next month or so. i just tend to get that way during major transistions. i trust you'll understand.

i had a three hour conversation with a friend today, which was really good. the bad part was that afterwards it made me realize how badly humans treat each other--sometimes on purpose, sometimes not. we both agreed that we (and generalizing for most of humanity) can also get over anything. that left a question of whether anything held long term meaning, since it could be replace, forgotten, or left behind. is it worth trying to maintain something that is good, knowing that it could be replaced? or is it better to let things be transient, taking what comes just while it is there? ah, i know i can't capture the three hours of conversation here to really convey what i want to say. but it was the first really philosophically charged chat i've had in a while, and it felt good.

the tattoo has started here in edinburgh, bringing these crowds every night for the next several weeks. (that was probably the background noise you heard on the phone, heather)

just when you think you can relax. i thought i had a pretty good idea of what was going to happen for next year after about two weeks of stressing out, decision making, and trying to work out start times etc. of course, now i might be going through it all over again--hopefully not, but i'm a pessimist. needless to say, i still do not have any clear idea of what is going to happen in the near future--i just hope i have some sort of income. it's hard to believe that holding computer engineering and creative writing degrees, and with two years of corporate consulting experience, i may not be able to find a job.

maybe eating dirt as a kid is a good thing. (link courtesy of 'dad')

wow, pittsburgh ranked #2 in this list of beautiful spots in america. (thanks to amanda for the link)

i saw "Good Bye Lenin" today. a cute movie about a german family that struggles to stay together even after the east and west are united. it was recommended by my german friends. it would have been better if they were there to explain some of the things, but i enjoyed it none-the-less.

when i got back i had a bit of a scare when the lady that runs the organization i was planning to work with next year told me that they all their funding was cancelled. however, there is still a position for me under a bit of a different organization, although the work is the same. so, for now i can relax.

i'll be hiking in the Pentland Hills today.

nuns copyright 'Mother Teresa'

'nother good job website for the UK: JobServe.com

it can be difficult sometimes to let go of things and be confident in the belief that you can do anything. but tonight my sense of freedom, coupled with all the uncertainty that lies ahead, lets me see the future as opportunity, not as something to worry about. (i remind myself that i promised myself that fear should not be a motivator) perhaps it's a zen-like moment. perhaps it's clarity. perhaps it's having the right attitude. the kick is to make it last.

the fog has come in heavy to edinburgh. i almost feel like i'm back in SF, except that the buildings here are hundreds of years older.

in a conversation w/ ryan tonight on IM, i just have to quote these two lines: "thoreau was much easier reading in the world of your blog" and "quit tailing your log". these go together b/c ryan always complains that my posts are too cryptic and the second quote makes little sense unless youre part tech geek.

"In the long run men only hit what they aim at. Therefore, though they should fail immediately, they had better aim at something high." --Henry David Thoreau

this has probably been the most stressful week since i've come to scotland. but i'm hoping that much of it will be resolved by the end of the week.

last night i went to the movies to get my mind off of things for a couple hours. i saw charlies angels 2 figuring it was was a safe bet for mindless entertainment. and i was right. but i also have to say that it was way better than i was expecting. it seemed like every scene was a parody from another movie. and it didn't disappoint in the area of stupid puns and ridiculous costumes. so, if you need a good escape from reality for a couple hours, and perhaps a laugh or two, i recommend it.

try this one out: go to google and type "weapons of mass destruction". click on the "i'm feeling lucky" button. read the message. (thanks to dad for the link)

may also want to read this analysis from the BBC.

this is what i hoped for: when you search google for edinburgh creative writing you get my class' webpage (that i put together).

that was one of the worst night's sleep ever

looking for work in the UK or EU? check out gojobsite

i went to Cramond island today with greg, colleen, and monica. at low tide you can walk to the island from hte mainland along a concrete foot bridge. the weather wasn't outstanding, but i didn't rain. there are old bunkers on the island used to protect the edinburgh from attack during WWII. the biggest downer was that my camera batteries died after a few pictures. i hope to go back and do some more exploring in the area, so maybe i'll get more pictures then.

ever got a line of a song in your head and just have to hear it? well, that happened to me just now. luckily, i found the song, Country Feedback (r.e.m.). "i need this"

my team won pub quiz last night

sometimes ugly strawberries taste the best.