last night were the end of festival fireworks at the castle. they were exceptional, probably the best display i've ever seen. there were some new types that i had never seen, which is always nice. and there were stationary burning flares that lit the castle in different colors at some points. the most striking was a 'waterfall' of bright white sparks that cascaded down one of the walls/cliff-faces. it was a 45 minute show set to music played by an orchestra. and it was cool to see the entire mound and princes street shut down and packed with people. i suppose that means that the festival is officially over, hopefully things will be quieter now.

oh yeah, i got hit with the MSBlast virus. rather annoying that you can now get a virus simply by having your computer on. i have antivirus software, am behind a firewall, and never download email or email attachments unless first scanned. the problem is that microsoft sucks. my next computer will run linux.

when norton updated its definitions, it caught the virus, and then i spent and hour or so getting rid of it. so, all good now.

my friends are cool. its funny how even friends that you may not be really close with suddenly come through for you at just the right time. i'm on the brink of another life transition. i'm not even sure what it will be or where it will take me, but the anticipation, fear, anxiety, excitement, and thrill of new possibilies are building on a daily basis.

just a little teaser of my germany pictures. here is me in berlin. and here is me in Ulm.

back from germany. it was an exhausting trip. even when led around by natives, trying to see 5 cities in 10 days is too much. but, i'm glad i took the opportunity while i had it, and was able to visit some friends along the way. perhpas more trip details later, i have lots of things to get done right now, which includes downloading the 80 or so pictures i took.

just a quick message from germany. just got to bavaria today after spending 4 days in berlin. more trip details soon!

on losing love.

When I realize that she is gone, perhaps gone forever, a great void opens up and I feel that I am falling, falling, falling into deep, black space. And this is worse than tears, deeper than regret or pain or sorrow; it is the abyss into which Satan was plunged. There is no climbing back, no ray of light, no sound of human voice or human touch of hand.
--Henry Miller (Tropic of Cancer)

No, nothing is wrong, this was just in the book i'm reading and thought it was a good description.

back from aberdeen and stonehaven. the dunnottar castle was really great, and the weather couldn't have been better. like always, pictures to come...eventually.

off to aberdeen with emily for a couple days...

check out the view from matt's room. saturdays are special...two military tattoo shows.

sorry, part of me is still a geek, and i find things like 'installing windows XP' hilarious. i just hope i never have to reinstall XP on my laptop.

today is one of the warmest days of the year in scotland. i left the flat to run some errands, and to try to get some work done in a cafe (the library, my silent sanctuary being closed on saturdays), afterwards i read in george sq. it felt unbelievable hot. i just check the tempurature: 76F, 24C. and to think about the times when i used play soccer in 90F+ heat! i've certainly become conditioned to cooler weather.

i just decided to do some packing of things that i wasn't going to be needing, so that just before my germany trip, i can send them home and they'll be back around the same time i get there. it me happy that i only filled a box half full of books, and realized the rest of my posessions are clothes, shoes, a few pictures, cds, and my laptop. i don't think packing will be much of a problem.

just found out my poem has been accepted for publication in the next issue of Island by essence press. this makes me very happy! i owe a lot to the guidance of valerie. she has been published in Island as well (as have alan spence and thomas a. clark, all who have multiple volumes of poetry published) and put me in touch with the editor. something to celebrate this weekend.

it honestly seems as if edinburgh becomes an entirely different city during the festival. (at least here in city centre)

last night i had a dream. it was a revelation really. it explained some truth. it was clear, enlightening, life-changing. but i was too tired and didn't get up and write it down. now can't remember it. nothing.

broken social scene is good. i recommend their cd.

something occurred to me tonight. to me a big part of love is about choice. it is about choosing to invest time, energy, emotion--your self--in a relationship with another person. loving someone deeply is a sublime feeling, it is a feeling of understanding, acceptance. when someone chooses to place their focus elsewhere, that's when hurt comes in. for a long time i was bitter and resentful about times when people turned away from me, but i think i'm getting better with that.

this blog has also become a bit of a collective representation for wanting to continue to share with all my friends and family. perhaps that seems impersonal, since this is all public domain blah blah. instead, think of it as at least a symbol of my desire to continue to invest/interact with you (however vague at times...thanks for always pointing that out ryan).

the blog may ooze sentimentality for the next month or so. i just tend to get that way during major transistions. i trust you'll understand.

i had a three hour conversation with a friend today, which was really good. the bad part was that afterwards it made me realize how badly humans treat each other--sometimes on purpose, sometimes not. we both agreed that we (and generalizing for most of humanity) can also get over anything. that left a question of whether anything held long term meaning, since it could be replace, forgotten, or left behind. is it worth trying to maintain something that is good, knowing that it could be replaced? or is it better to let things be transient, taking what comes just while it is there? ah, i know i can't capture the three hours of conversation here to really convey what i want to say. but it was the first really philosophically charged chat i've had in a while, and it felt good.

the tattoo has started here in edinburgh, bringing these crowds every night for the next several weeks. (that was probably the background noise you heard on the phone, heather)